No, this post isn't about love or me saying I love you to anyone. I was browsing through different blogs when I suddenly had the urge to update my blog.

And, time check: 1:43 AM. How timely.

I've been meaning to blog about my trip to Davao and Baler but I guess I would have to postpone that one. Hopefully, I'll have the energy to blog all about it soon. Haha! Anyway, I can't believe it's almost July. I mean, WHAAAT? Lately, I've been busy with work for my dad, Sun Life (Finally, I'm coded! Yay!) and online work. Also, I was quite torn about the offer to go back to my former company. But, I must remind myself of the commitments and decisions I have already made. Also, I think it's a good idea for me to venture out of the corporate scene especially since I'm not really into the idea of an 8-5 work schedule. Waking up early is such a struggle. So we'll see how this will turn out. Positivity!

Anyway, I should really sleep now because I have to be up in four hours. Oh, the life of a night owl.

P.S. Can't wait for the first Zig Kuretake Pen Meet tomorrow (well, technically later)!!

It's amazing how one decision, one movement, one instance can lead to an event that would have a big impact in your life. It can be as simple as deciding to go out with your friends and ending up getting know a person who would turn out to be your husband. It can be as mundane as not replying to your loved one and little did you know, it was his/her last text to you - or anyone else. They say we have no control over what would happen to us. Well, that's partly true. But I believe that we shape our own destiny. 

A few days ago, Naps, a friend of mine tweeted something like this, "Ano pa use ng pagiging in a relationship kung kayong dalawa lang naman may alam? Kung hindi binobroadcast?" I replied, "What if 'di sila legal? Or bawal maging public? Haha" Then he said he has something more to say but he's just too lazy to say it. End of conversation.

Now I'm thinking, is it really necessary for a couple to announce that they are in a relationship? I'm not pertaining to dating but to two individuals who has already mutually agreed that they are a couple. Like what I have said to Naps, there are possible reasons why a couple doesn't want or can't say they're together.

1. Public Figure. If one or both of you are public figures, there's a chance that you can't announce to the world that you are together. It's not that you don't want to but you really just can't because you have to protect the career or what not of the person. It's also possible that the both of you have agreed not to declare your relationship status because you wish to have a private relationship.

2. You're not legal to his or her family. This is mostly on the girls' part. Some parents are protective when it comes to their daughters. They have a set of rules when it comes to their daughters dating. One that is very common, I think, is that they can't have a boyfriend until they're 18 years old or until they have already graduated college. For some girls, they just find it nerve-wrecking to introduce to their family that they already have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

3. Complicated relationship. A relationship can be complicated in many ways, I guess. For a long period of time, society as well as the Catholic church has imposed in our minds that a relationship must consist of a man and a woman. Not two people of the same sex. I, personally, have no qualms when it comes to same-sex relationships. For me, if they love each other then so be it. They have the right to be in a relationship the same way two people of opposite sex has the liberty to do so. However, not everyone has the same values. Other people (most especially those who are conservative) are against same-sex relationship. It is for this reason that some couples aren't open about their relationship.

Then, it got me thinking. What if your girlfriend or your boyfriend doesn't want your relationship to be public without any valid reason? Does it automatically mean that if one or the both of you doesn't want your relationship to be "public", it's not a serious relationship anymore? By public, it can mean only a very few friends of yours know. Well, I don't know the correct answer to that one. But for me, if a girl or a guy doesn't want to declare that you are a couple and there is no legit reason behind it then it probably means:

1. S/he isn't as serious as you hope him/her to be.
2. S/he isn't proud of his/her significant other.
3. S/he has intentions of pursuing other people.
4. S/he doesn't think that the relationship will last long.
5. S/he's unsure of you.

There are a lot of reasons for such a decision and I think it's all negative. Correct me if I am wrong. It's cute to be cheesy/mushy in Twitter/Facebook though sometimes others just cross the borderline of being annoying. I, personally, prefer a relationship wherein we aren't that cheesy or mushy in social networking sites. But to completely shut the minds of other people to the idea that you are a couple? That's the time you get to think of the question, "Why?" I mean, for a relationship to be known by only the two of you? Or, say, by a number of people that you can count by hands? That's hard, actually. And it makes you question your relationship.

Truth be told, I have this "bad" habit of pushing guys away. Sometimes I just don't really like them more than as a friend; but other times, I push them away to see if they're willing to come back. In my perception, if they really like you, they won't give up on you. But, sometimes, I guess I tend to over push them which makes them believe that I don't feel anything special towards them - even though I do. It's quite a bad habit to break. I know people get tired and they lose hope but I just can't help it. I just have a hard time trying to figure out whether or not a person is truly sincere or not. There are instances wherein I can feel that the person is sincere but a part of me would still want to test his sincerity.

It was during a conversation with a friend that I had an epiphany or something. I was giving him love advice when I suddenly realized, the reason why I do what I do is because at the back of my mind I question, "Yes, this guy likes me but... Until when?" I guess this is because there are those who leave you hanging out of nowhere. No explanation whatsoever. One day they tell you they like you and next thing you know, they are out of your door and you don't hear anything from them. Not even a single word.

Well, I guess I just need reassurance that you won't leave me. That what you feel is real and isn't temporary. That when tomorrow comes, you won't feel differently about me. That's it.

I watched No Strings Attached the other day starring Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. Basically, it's about two individuals who agreed to be fuck buddies but ended up falling in love with each other, just like any other cheesy love movie. I just realized how the best love stories start with those whom you least expect to fall in love with. I think one of the reasons why such scenarios make up the best love stories because it's the kind of love which you know isn't solely based on the physical attributes of a person. You didn't expect that you yourself would fall in love with that person and that just shows that when the time comes wherein feelings do start to develop, it's not just based on his physical attributes. If that's not the case, you would have liked that person from the very beginning. You fell for who the person really is and not based on your perception of who he is or his outer appearance. We never really get to pick who we fall in love with, it just happens. It may gradually happen or it can happen in just a snap wherein you realize you do feel something special for that person. And sometimes, it happens when we least expect it to be. That is why up until now, I'm still waiting for the guy who would unexpectedly sweep me off my feet. I may know him already or I may not. What I only know is, he is out there. Whoever you are, I can't wait to meet you. ;)

"I don’t expect you to text me 24/7. I don’t expect you to call me everyday. I don’t expect you to put me in front of your boys. I don’t expect you to ditch all your girl best friends for me. I don’t expect you to surprise me with roses. I don’t expect you to buy me the world on my birthday. I don’t expect you to always agree with what I say. I don’t expect you to pay for everything. I don’t expect you to go out of your way and buy all the things that I mention I wanted. I don’t expect you to put me over your family. I don’t expect you to brag about me to all your friends. I don’t expect you to keep all your promises. I don’t expect you to believe I’m the best girlfriend in the whole world. I don’t expect you to stop checking out other girls. I don’t expect you to never mention a hot girl in front of me. I don’t expect you to already know what I want. I don’t expect you to never be mad at me. I just expect you to be trustworthy, to trust me, to never take me for granted like I won’t take you for granted, to always be real with me, to keep equality between us, and to love me. That’s all."